Saturday, 13 May 2017

Welcome To Amateur Hour

As a long term Twin Peaks fan the return of the show is the best thing that could ever have happened. But I wasn't quite prepared for the side order of ignorance that it's being served with. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and hatchetman in the fight against violence. I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method... is love. And I love each and every Twin Peaks fan be they old or very new. And so, I will gladly answer some of the unfortunately common questions our new family members have been asking lately...


  • "Should I watch the old Twin Peaks before the new one?"
    • Yes! Of course you should you hulking boob.
  • "How much do I have to watch over the next few days to catch up before the new season?"
    • Stupidity is not necessarily an inherent trait, therefore, please listen closely: 30 episodes plus the feature length film Fire Walk With Me. Further reading should include The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer. 
  • "Did you know Betty's mum in Riverdale was really hot when she was young?"
    • Madchen Amick was Shelly Johnson decades before you watched Riverdale and yes she was damn hot (and still is). Please return to your porch rocker and resume whittling! 
  • "Is the acting supposed to be really bad?"
    • The acting isn't bad - it purposefully mocks the over-the-top, slushy dramas common on television at the time Twin Peaks was made. I've had about enough of morons and half wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells... 
  • "Twin Peaks is overrated."
    • Get a life punk!
Man it feels good to get that off my chest. Don't be misconstrued dear reader, for I have compassion running out of my nose - I'm the sultan of sentiment. I know that for most of the big lugs who ask these questions, their hearts are in the right place and I'm not above feeling a little sympathy for the stalwart and the dull...

I like to think of myself as one of the happy generation.