Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Twin Peaks Season 3: Parts 3 and 4

Having gone to bed at around 4:30am on Monday morning after Parts 1 & 2 aired, I awoke feeling like it could have all been a bizarre dream and my head was filled with that place both strange and familiar. It was a beautifully hot day here in London and my sister and I sat in the sunshine drinking coffee and discussing what we had experienced hours before. We agreed it needed time to percolate and a re-watch could be beneficial but I was already desperate to see more. Despite the glorious sunshine we soon retired to the dark TV room to watch Parts 3 & 4. After such a trippy beginning I was desperate to see where the next parts would take us and couldn't bare to wait longer.

The first 20 minutes of Part 3 confirmed for me that David Lynch has successfully and absolutely brought art house experimental film to mainstream TV. The opening purple universe scenes are artistic, mesmerising and disturbing. The energy in this purple place is completely different to The Black Lodge, heightened by the jumpy editing making this unknown world unsettling compared to the chevron floored, red curtained lodge which we now feel some comfort being in. Twin Peaks is going to be, once again, groundbreaking. The vast purple ocean stretching into the darkness beyond was so beautiful yet ominous and I loved being able to sit and observe the oddness. It's refreshing to feel as though you are experiencing something rather than mindlessly binge watching the usual plot driven material common on Netflix and the like today.

Questions in a world of purple...
I found the opening scenes revealed a lot about who Cooper is after spending more than 2 decades pacing around The Black Lodge. He appears comfortable as a mute observer and unafraid to approach the strange other-wordly beings he comes across such as the blind woman who omits a raspy barking noise to communicate with him.

Cooper still has a trusting instinct and need to help others. He willingly follows the blind woman out of the purple room and on to a rooftop. By pulling a lever the eyeless woman falls into the galaxy of stars that surrounds them and I remembered a scene from Fire Walk With Me: Donna asks Laura what she thinks would happen if you were to fall in space and Laura replies that you would fall "Faster and faster. And for a long time you wouldn't feel anything. And then you'd burst into flame. Forever... and the angels wouldn't help you. Because they've all gone away." Cooper looks out into the stars and I wonder if he is considering jumping himself, ending his torment trapped so far from home. As he contemplates his next move the giant, shadowy face of Major Briggs floats by sideways (much like a scene in Eraserhead) and says 'BLUE ROSE'. A sad reminder that Don Davis who played The Major is no longer with us but his character's role could still serve some importance in the new series. It seems these words are what Cooper needed to hear to remind himself of a potential mission greater than himself but one he has become somewhat responsible for.

"Burst into flame."
Back inside the purple room a different woman sits by the fire waiting for Cooper. If you think she looks familiar you'd be right - the 'American Woman' is Phoebe Augustine who played Ronette Pulaski in the original series. She tells Cooper "When you get there you will already be there". With that he faces some sort of industrial electricity panel on the wall which previously said '15' but now reads '3' and an electrical force allows him to move through it, leaving his shoes behind.

Kyle Maclachlan is in the next scene but he isn't Agent Cooper or Evil Doppelganger Coop (who many have begun referring to as Mr C but my personal preference is Doopy Coopy), he's an overweight man with poor taste in suits who lives in Las Vegas called Dougie and he is handing over a wad of cash to sex worker Jade. Lynch has always loved actors playing multiple rolls (see Mulholland Drive and Lost Highway for more examples) so you just learn to roll with it and watch where it leads. But finally something I understand happens - Dougie is wearing the green ring that Theresa Banks and then Laura wore before they died and his left arm has gone numb, just like Theresa's did. At the same time Evil Coop careers down the open road in South Dakota and crashes spectacularly into the hillside, Dougie throws up something nasty onto the floor and is forced into The Black Lodge. Evil Coop throws up a party above the convenience store's worth of Garmonbozia and passes out. It seems he has somehow used Dougie as a means of not returning to The Black Lodge himself.

A third version of Cooper??? "This is weird."
The real Agent Cooper passes through an electric socket on the wall where Dougie just disappeared from. The American Girl was right, he is already there, for he has taken Dougie's place and for some reason everyone who comes into contact with him assumes he suddenly got a slick hair cut, lost some weight and bought a tailored suit. Even Jade who only just left him to take a shower thinks he might have had a little stroke but doesn't think it could be someone else altogether. I get the impression this is a woman who has seen it all and more. Jade searches Cooper's pockets for his car keys but only finds his old room key for Room 315 at The Great Northern Hotel. In fact, Jade is the nicest, most caring prostitute in all of Nevada. Not only does she help Cooper get his shoes on, find his keys and give him a lift to The Silver Mustang Casino, she also gives him $5 to call for help. And help is something our Special Agent is in desperate need of. Having involuntarily taken Dougie's identity, he has taken Dougie's financial issues too - the sight of two hitmen trying to get a shot at Cooper thinking he is Dougie leads me to believe that Dougie has spent too much time at the Blackjack table and could owes someone a lot of money.

Jade has to give Dougie two rides.
The real Dougie is now in The Black Lodge, "This is weird" he remarks. Finally, a character on Twin Peaks says what we're all thinking! The One Armed Man tells him that he was manufactured to serve a purpose which has now been fulfilled. Since Evil Cooper is still on the loose, although passed out after his crash and soon to be locked up in a jail cell for carrying cocaine, an automatic weapon and a dog leg, this seems to be what Dougie was used for. How on earth Evil Coop pulled this off is yet to be seen. He is a seriously bad man with a lot of intelligence. The real Dougie's days are numbered and he ends them by exploding into a tiny, golden marble. The troublesome ring he was wearing is placed back on its podium in The Black Lodge.

Back in Vegas, as Cooper hilariously attempts to pass through a revolving door into the casino it becomes very clear that having spent 25 years trapped in The Black Lodge slowly and silently ageing without having to eat, sleep or go to the bathroom, (presumably he had the odd cup of coffee if he came across it) his transition into the real, modern world is going to take some rehabilitation. He's only able to repeat the words of others (worse than Waldo the Minor bird did) and soon finds himself holding a cup full of dimes and in slot machine heaven.

HellooooOoooOooo Mr Jackpots!
Returning to the town of Twin Peaks we are granted with some classic light relief in the form of a 'Donut Disturb' sign and some Andy and Lucy humour as they ponder over what could be missing in regards to Agent Cooper and the Laura Palmer case. Is it about the chocolate bunny Lucy ate? No. Hawk decides it is not about the bunny...

Now living out in the woods in a caravan, Dr Jacoby has replaced his Hawaiin fancies for more of a rustic, hillbilly aesthetic. This scene is literally watching paint dry as he has designed a complex contraption to spray paint some garden spades gold. Not that I was bored watching this - by the end of it I wanted to own a golden spade of my own.

At the Silver Mustang Casino Cooper finds himself in LUCK. Something or someone is somehow guiding him to the slot machines which will payout the big bucks with one pull of the lever. The black lodge appears in flame above the winning machine and with a call of "HelloooOoooOoooo!" Cooper makes a fortune. This has now become the only greeting in my household. 29 mega jackpots later and he has been nicknamed Mr Jackpots - the casino owners are not impressed. They send him 'home' in a limo with a bag full of thousands and thousands of dollars.

Dougie's wife played by fabulous Naomi Watts meets Agent Cooper when he arrives home. She too doesn't seem to notice that this isn't in fact Dougie and berates him for missing 'their' son Sunny Jim's birthday party. Upon noticing the bag full of money she changes her tune somewhat and Cooper just goes along with it... He continues to have visions of The Black Lodge as The One Armed Man seems able to communicate with him through the atmosphere and occasional signs of familiarity trigger something inside him - a hooting owl, a street named Sycamore. But how long will it take for Agent Cooper to gain back his memory? I yelled out "someone get the man a coffee!" and when the coffee finally gets served he spits it out in what I hope is a tremendously over the top expression of revival!

Please someone make a 'I am Dougie's coffee mug' and I will gladly pay you for it.
Away from Las Vegas the rest of Parts 3 & 4 take place in Philadelphia, where Gordon Cole and Albert Rosenfield still reside as members of the FBI. I have to pause to fan girl for a moment. I just adore David Lynch and Miguel Ferrer together and I love their characters. The humour is still very much present - Cole still shouts due to his hearing impairment and constantly mishears people. Albert is still mean old Albert. Although their banter is hilarious, it's tainted with the knowledge that Miguel is no longer with us. I absolutely relish every second these two are on screen together. Speaking to Entertainment Weekly Lynch had the following to say about working with Miguel:

"I fell in love with Albert on this trip through Twin Peaks, and I just loved working with Miguel. This relationship between my character, Gordon Cole, and Albert is so important to the story. Now knowing that he’s gone, I’m even more grateful we did this and it was captured on film. It’s just really sad he’s gone."

We are also introduced to Agent Tamara Preston played by long-time Lynch protogée Chrysta Bell.  Lynch has been collaborating with Chrysta Bell for 18 years now and seems hell bent on turning her into a household name. Their special relationship has lead to her casting in what could be a significant role in the new series and although she is beautiful with the real life moves of Jessica Rabbit, Chrysta Bell is not the most skilled or natural actress. I felt uncomfortable by the outrageous oggling from the male characters but ultimately concluded that since the male gaze and objectification of her is so overt, particularly on the directors part, it is probably meant to be subversive. I'm interested to see how her character develops and hope there are some brains to balance out the beauty. I've also got tickets to see her perform in London next month and will report back on her performance on stage in due course...

"The first time I saw her perform I thought she was an alien. The most beautiful alien ever." - Lynch on Chrysta Bell
Cole receives a phone call informing him that Cooper (although it is really his doppelganger) has been found and is locked up in a South Dakota jail cell. He and Albert make plans to visit first thing in the morning and in the meantime Cole visits the now head of the FBI, Denise Bryson. David Duchovny reprises his role as the transgender agent in a touching scene which also has an essence of filler about it. I could be wrong but I have a feeling there will be a few of these cameo scenes from beloved characters of 25 years ago mainly for the fans enjoyment and some closure. Lynch also gives himself a pat on the back by referencing the fact that Twin Peaks included a transgender character all those years ago as Cole remembers telling Denise's colleagues when she transitioned to "fix their hearts or die".

Speaking of  old characters, Bobby Briggs is back and handsome as ever. Surprisingly the bad boy has supposedly reformed and is working at the Sheriff's Station but hasn't lost that cocky swagger. The town of Twin Peaks still has a rampant drug problem and I have a sneaking suspicion that maybe Bobby might have something to do with it, despite the badge he now carries. I always loved Bobby's crying scenes and we're finally treated to the classic Laura Palmer Theme song which begins to play when Bobby sees Laura's high school prom photo laid out amongst the evidence from the case Hawk is re-examining. Bobby is overcome with emotion and sobs at the sight of his long dead high school girlfriend. Finally, a healthy dose of Twin Peaks melodrama!

Bobby Briggs: bad boy, hearth throb, drama queen.
This moment of emotional outburst is cut short by the arrival of who has to be my favourite new character. We meet Wally, the adult son of Andy and Lucy who was born on Marlon Brando's birthday. As soon as Michael Cera appeared on screen dressed as Brando in The Wild One, lisping about wanting to pay his respects to his Godfather (wonderful Robert Forster who is playing Sheriff FRANK Truman receives the respects on behalf of his brother Harry) I began ugly crying and was hysterical with laughter. This to me is absolute Twin Peaks comedy - completely bizarre and a little out of place but manically funny. I need more Wally.

Michael Cera as Wally in the most hilarious cameo to date.
Part 4 ends poignantly. Having visited Cooper in a chilling scene thanks to Kyle Maclachlan's terrifying portrayal of Evil Cooper, Cole and Albert step outside to discuss what in the hell is going on. The scene is bathed in blue, to convey the mystery surrounding them. Cole and Albert agree that something real fishy is going on but have no idea what. It's a blue rose case, a case shrouded in the supernatural and unexplained, "it doesn't get any bluer than this" Cole exclaims. There's one woman who may be able to tell exactly what is going on with 'Cooper' and Albert knows where she drinks... My bet is on us finally meeting Diane for the first time. Who do you think it could be?

Me neither Cole but that's OKAY.
I cannot get enough of the new episodes and although I shouldn't complain, a trip to the Italian island of Sardinia means I won't get to watch Part 5 until the end of next week! I'll have to go cold turkey on social media before I see it which is probably the best way to enjoy a holiday in the sun. This downloadable PDF of the 'donut disturb' sign Hawk sticks to the meeting room door in the Sheriff's Department should help...

One more thing - Lynch took Twin Peaks to Cannes last week and after the incredibly savage reception Fire Walk With Me had there 25 years ago I was truly moved, and clearly so was David, to see the audience give him a standing ovation after the screening of Parts 1 & 2. Trés bien Mr Lynch!

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Twin Peaks Season 3: Parts 1 and 2

The morning after Parts 1 & 2 aired a close friend messaged me apprehensively asking for my verdict. I told her I was thrilled, ecstatic even, for The Return was everything I hoped it would be whilst being completely unimaginable. She said she was relieved as she wouldn't have known how to console me had I been disappointed... Needless to say after all the hype, the mystery has been kept alive and this journey is definitely going to be both wonderful and strange.

A policeman's dream. Settling in for a long night.

Because we had to stay up until 2am to watch in the UK we made quite an evening of it. My sister decorated her house with Twin Peaks collectables gathered over the years along with dominoes, playing cards, a chess board and some wooden owl candle holders. For dinner we cooked Doctor Jacoby's Hawaiian burgers from Lindsey Bowden's Twin Peaks recipe book 'Damn Fine Cherry Pie'. I love this book and having tried a few of the recipes can testify that they are simple to follow with delicious results. The burgers were exceptional and we followed it up with some cherry pie (which I'm still not too keen on, just like Kyle Maclachlan!).

Damn fine cherry pie!
We named these two owls 'Not' and 'Seem'
Waiting until 2am was far more of an endurance test than I was expecting it to be. I felt like a child  trying to stay awake for midnight on new year's eve when it seems impossibly late but you know it will be worth it. To while away the time we played cards, made some owl origami, did a Twin Peaks quiz and drank more coffee. At midnight my sister proclaimed "Right, I think I'm going to have to eat donuts or I might as well give up". I was starting to pace and felt as though I was deliriously wandering the halls of the black lodge for an eternity... but finally it happened again.

Someone give me a job at One Eyed Jacks.
The origami owls are not what they seem... nor do they look much like owls.
I didn't think I would cry but as soon as Laura appeared on screen and the titles rolled of course I did. Laura spoke the first words of The Return, "Hello Agent Cooper" and as the camera slowly panned towards Laura's homecoming queen portrait it seemed we were being presented with a reminder that although the world of Twin Peaks is expanding, the catalyst of all of this is still Laura Palmer. I hope her story will continue to be significant.

The opening titles are so lush and memorising. The stunning aerial shots of the woods and famous waterfall demonstrate where technological advances and budget have been significantly increased for The Return. How wrong I was to predict that they would keep the old titles. As much as I miss the bird, these titles represent new beginnings and are utterly perfect.

The Giant (or is he? I was amused to see Carel Struycken's characrer billed as ????? in the closing credits) delivers typically cryptic messages to Agent Cooper who is trapped in the Black Lodge in a scene heavy with Eraserhead vibes. "Remember 430 and Richard and Linda" Some numbers, some names, none of it made sense to me but Cooper responds "I understand". Is this a joke at our expense? The thing about all of Lynch's work for me, is that I don't have a problem with not understanding. I just enjoy the experience and I hate to over analyse. Life is mysterious and unpredictable and being presented with new secrets is a wonderful thing.

Carel Struycken returns as The Giant or ??????
After seeing some old faces tinkering around Twin Peaks, it was a shock to jump to a stunning shot of the New York City skyline. New York's inclusion in the Twin Peaks universe is unexpected but provides a great excuse for me to visit one day (Twin Peaks tour of New York anyone?!). Inside a sky scraper a student looking to make some cash stares at a glass box having been given the arduous task from an unknown billionaire of watching it endlessly in case something appears. Much like us, as an audience, gazing at our own TVs in avid anticipation. The pace of this scene is slow, silent and all the more intriguing for it.

What follows is our long awaited introduction to Cooper's evil Doppelganger and boy is he bad. His beady black eyes are soulless and there isn't a speck of Cooper's optimistic demeanour to be found here. He is violent and vicious, taking out a backwoods log cabin guard in a few swift moves. Are we witnessing the combination of Cooper's FBI training with the evil of BOB equating to a man with an unprecedented brutality? He reminds me of Frank Booth in Blue Velvet - unpredictable and deathly dangerous.

Terrible tan and terrible hair. This is not our Special Agent.
Returning to New York and the mysterious glass box, the young man is joined by a hot date who sneaks in with him as the security guard is inexplicably nowhere to be found. Quicker than a right swipe, they get naked and get it on but as they do the glass box turns to black and a subhuman creature appears, smashing the glass between them to smithereens and slashing the couple into a bloody mess (this is exactly how I fear my Tinder dates could end). The creature looks alien and definitely something which Major Briggs' Project Blue Book may know a thing about.

We jump from New York to, of all places, South Dakota where a funny woman with a small dog named Armstrong calls the police in a fluster of panic having discovered a terrible smell emanating from her neighbour Ruth Davenport's apartment. In a scene very reminiscent of Mulholland Drive the horrifying corpse is revealed: Ruth's decaying head is there, her eye blown out, but her body is missing and has been replaced by the bloated corpse of an unknown John Doe. Finger prints lead to High School Principal Bill Hastings who claims total innocence (although he has dreamt about being in Ruth's apartment) but detectives find a bloody piece of flesh in the boot of his car... Has he been framed? Is he possessed? Or just an average homicidal maniac?

The next scene caused me to audibly gasp and breakdown with emotion upon realising who we were looking at, at once so familiar yet shockingly different. I thought we would see our beloved Log Lady in The Return and knowing that she sadly passed away from cancer in 2015 wasn't sure how, but there she was with little hair, a weakened body and oxygen tubes to assist her breathing. She looked weak and in pain so this must have been filmed in the last weeks of her life. It made the message the Log Lady delivers to Hawk even more poignant "something is missing" in relation to Cooper and the Laura Palmer case and Hawk must use his heritage to find it. "Goodnight Margaret" Hawk says. Catherine Coulson, a life long Lynch collaborator who always had so much time for the fans of Twin Peaks, will always be missed.

Goodnight Margaret
Back to South Dakota where Bill Hastings sits in a jail cell anguishing over his fate. After a visit from his wife who wishes him to rot in hell, the camera pans to another jail cell where a shadowy figure stares out and then disappears into the atmosphere. Inexplicable and unsettling - I loved it! Bill's wife soon becomes the next victim of Evil Coop who shoots her right in the eye... an injury similar to Ruth Davenport's. Is he the man behind the murder?

Next Las Vegas, Nevada and finally a little Badalamenti jazz shuffling plays to set the mood. The brilliant Patrick Fischler of Mulholland Drive tells a colleague to let a girl know "she's got the job". His colleague asks him "why do you let him make you do these things?" and he responds by saying "You better hope you never get involved with someone like him." Are they speaking of the billionaire funding the glass box portal in New York? Could it be evil doppelganger Cooper? Or someone yet to be revealed? Many different threads of plot, places, times and characters are being established.

Meanwhile (yes, that was on purpose) Hawk takes a stroll in the woods at night, searching for what's missing. I've always adored Hawk and it seems he's running the show at the Twin Peaks Sheriff Department these days although is still only a Deputy. The woods feel familiar and comforting despite the evil we know lurks there and upon finding the circle of sycamore trees, the red curtains of the Black Lodge come forward transporting us to the red room. What follows is pure Twin Peaks nostalgia - The One Armed Man asks Cooper if it is future or is it past? Laura Palmer shows up again and is both creepy and mystifying. She tells Coop he can "go out now", whispers a secret into his ear, delivers a classic Laura shriek of agony and then shoots off above.

Keeping to her word, Laura Palmer is seeing us again 25 years later (more or less)
Some of the visual effects have a distinctly old school student film feel about them which I find adds to the absurd unsettling mood of it all yet technological advancements have allowed for the Black Lodge to turn into a never ending sprawling universe. This combination of 'DIY' with seamless CGI is perfectly demonstrated in new breakout star The Evolution of The Arm. It seems since dancing Little Man From Another Place actor Michael J Anderson is not returning (he supposedly demanded more money to appear and then said some vile things about Lynch on Facebook) the joke's on him as his replacement is a sycomore tree with a fleshy, bubblegum like mass for a 'face'. It looks as though the head was moulded by the hands of Lynch himself, harking back to the baby in Eraserhead. Whilst The One Armed Man seems to be acting as a somewhat helpful tour guide of The Black Lodge to Cooper, The Evolution of The Arm holds some dubious wisdom - he tells Cooper that he can only leave The Black Lodge when his doppelganger returns to it. Not such good news.

"When you see me again it won't be me" Never has something uttered in The Black Lodge been so logical.
Evil Cooper knows he is meant to return to The Black Lodge but has no intention of doing so. Instead he is seeking something marked on a playing card that looks like a creepy fat owl (that's the best I can offer). In true vicious, animalistic BOB form he violently punches a lingerie clad girl who had been hired to kill him and then blows her brains out. "BOB was always a puncher" Miss Rose Thorne of The Double R Club reminded me, alluding to the fate of poor Maddie... Without a second thought towards his victim Evil Coop then makes a phone call to who he thinks is Phillip Jeffries (the missing agent played by David Bowie in Fire Walk With Me). But is it Jeffries? It doesn't sound like him and Evil Cooper isn't so sure himself, "You're going back in tomorrow, and I will be with BOB again" the mystery man on the phone tells him.

Owl cave symbol gone horribly wrong?
Evil Cooper also appears to kill a man by massaging his cheeks... did he make him swallow his own tongue and choke to death? I laughed at this scene and passed it off as general weirdness but my friend watching with me came up with that conclusion... Grim.

Death by pinched cheeks. A horrible way to go.
Back to the Good Cooper trapped in the Black Lodge, The Arm says "253, time and time again" and then repeats "BOB" three times. On exit Cooper meets Leland's doppelganger who solemnly asks him to "find Laura" before The Arm's evil doppelganger attacks him screeching "non-exis-tent". The Black Lodge is shaken up and Coop drops into a pool of darkness landing smack down in where else but the glass box in New York. Is this a man made portal to The Black Lodge? 

The first two parts soon come to an end in where else but Twin Peaks. Sarah Palmer is a shell of a woman, chain-smoking and drinking in the same house where her husband sexually abused her daughter and murdered her niece. Her TV screen is absurdly enormous and she watches lions graphically maul a buffalo... After what she endured 25 years ago I'm not that surprised by her miserable existence. Cutting to The Roadhouse, Julee Cruise has been replaced by The Chromatics performing 'Shadows' which I actually found perfectly fitting. There are familiar faces: Shelly Johnson is still a babe and speaks about her daughter Becky. She spots James Hurley in the crowd and explains that he has been in a motorcycle accident but he's "always been cool" - take that James haters! Balthazar Getty flirts with Shelly from the bar (he's a man I'd like to get to know) and weirdly the actor who played Jaques Renault is serving drinks... but Leland killed him??? The credits roll and reveal him to be yet another Renault brother called Jean-Michel. Hilarious.

Girls Big Night Out at The Roadhouse - wait, is that Vanessa from Gossip Girl?!
What a wild ride and I loved every moment of it. After so much anticipation it would have broken my heart if I didn't like it but I always trusted in Lynch and Frost and doubted this could possibly be the case. I wonder if Twin Peaks purists unfamiliar with Lynch's oeuvre won't be so keen on the direction events are taking? One thing I did miss was Angelo Badalamenti's original score to lighten the mood and jazz things up. Instead we had mainly eery silence with industrial hums and buzzes - a new mood which I can get behind. But I really enjoyed the insane song American Woman (by Muddy Magnolias) David Lynch remix.

In reflection, the viewing party we had was a perfect send off to the old Twin Peaks. There's no longer any cherry pie and coffee drinking frivolity and I'm OK with that. The old Twin Peaks is a show which we have quoted, discussed and watched to death. I'm thrilled to have more to indulge in and to go to places we never dreamed of before. It's going to be a hell of a Summer!

Saturday, 13 May 2017

Welcome To Amateur Hour

As a long term Twin Peaks fan the return of the show is the best thing that could ever have happened. But I wasn't quite prepared for the side order of ignorance that it's being served with. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and hatchetman in the fight against violence. I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method... is love. And I love each and every Twin Peaks fan be they old or very new. And so, I will gladly answer some of the unfortunately common questions our new family members have been asking lately...

  • "Should I watch the old Twin Peaks before the new one?"
    • Yes! Of course you should you hulking boob.
  • "How much do I have to watch over the next few days to catch up before the new season?"
    • Stupidity is not necessarily an inherent trait, therefore, please listen closely: 30 episodes plus the feature length film Fire Walk With Me. Further reading should include The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer. 
  • "Did you know Betty's mum in Riverdale was really hot when she was young?"
    • Madchen Amick was Shelly Johnson decades before you watched Riverdale and yes she was damn hot (and still is). Please return to your porch rocker and resume whittling! 
  • "Is the acting supposed to be really bad?"
    • The acting isn't bad - it purposefully mocks the over-the-top, slushy dramas common on television at the time Twin Peaks was made. I've had about enough of morons and half wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells... 
  • "Twin Peaks is overrated."
    • Get a life punk!
Man it feels good to get that off my chest. Don't be misconstrued dear reader, for I have compassion running out of my nose - I'm the sultan of sentiment. I know that for most of the big lugs who ask these questions, their hearts are in the right place and I'm not above feeling a little sympathy for the stalwart and the dull...

I like to think of myself as one of the happy generation.

Thursday, 11 May 2017

RIP Michael Parks 1940-2017

Another fantastic actor who was part of the original Twin Peaks cast has joined the Black Lodge. The great Michael Parks died on Tuesday morning aged 77 and is survived by his wife Oriana and son, actor James Parks.

I remember seeing Michael Parks for the first time on screen in Robert Rodriguez's From Dusk Til Dawn - his charisma and deliciously slow pace is electrifying to watch. Every second of his performance enthralled me and I chose to write an analysis essay whilst studying film at university on his scene.

 He had the most incredible on screen presence and his range of capabilities would see him play two completely different characters in Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill film series - both a Mexican pimp and a Texan ranger. He came to be known as "the actors' actor" and was adored by directors such as Tarantino and Kevin Smith who would cast him time and time again.

"I loved his acting so much. He was, hands down, the most incredible thespian I ever had the pleasure to watch perform. And Parks brought out the absolute best in me every time he got near my set." - Kevin Smith

In the world of Twin Peaks he is known for his chilling portrayal of character Jean Renault. The French Canadian drug lord had a charming, softly spoken disposition but was ruthless in his endeavours. It's hard to believe that such a sophisticated (if evil) man could be the brother of the seedy Jaques Renault!

I look forward to re-visiting some of my favourite Michael Parks films (From Dusk Til Dawn, Django Unchained and Kill Bill) over the coming days. He will live on forever in his on screen characters. RIP Michael.

"Before you came here, Twin Peaks was a simple place. My brothers sold drugs to truck-drivers and teenagers. One-Eyed Jack's welcomed curious tourists and businessmen. Quiet people lived quiet lives. Then a pretty girl dies. And you arrive. Everything changes. My brother Bernard is shot and left to die in the woods. A grieving father smothers my surviving brother with a pillow. Arson, kidnapping. More death and destruction. Suddenly the quiet people here are no longer quiet. Their simple dreams have become a nightmare. Maybe you brought the nightmare with you. And maybe, it will die with you." - Jean Renault.

Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Planning For The Return

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Laura waited 25 years to see you again and in a mere 12 days time it will happen again on May 21st (or the morning of May 22nd for us in the UK). Will we ever be truly prepared for the return of Twin Peaks? I'm trying my best to do everything I can to make it the best premiere viewing possible. Here are some ideas for you too!

On May 21st I'll be proudly wearing a blue rose all day. I might wear my Double R Diner waitress uniform on the night but since I have to wait until 2am for the new series to air, I may just throw on a Twin Peaks UK Festival tee shirt (I've collected a few over the years) to be comfy.

If you live in the UK like me you'll have to stay awake until 2am for the show to begin and won't be going to sleep until after 4am so it's imperative you stock up on coffee to stay caffeinated and alert. I already have a bag of David Lynch Signature Cup Coffee in my cupboard specially (just make sure there aren't any fish in the percolator).

But because this is such a momentous occasion for Peakies across the Globe I think it's only right that we all toast the return with an alcoholic beverage. My choice: a creamy, dreamy classic Espresso Martini. They're simple to make at home if you have a cocktail shaker and are sure to get you in the mood.

Espresso Martini

50ml Vodka 
35ml Coffee Liquer
1 shot of espresso

Pour the vodka, coffee liqueur and espresso into a cocktail shaker. Fill your martini glass with ice to chill and then add more ice to the cocktail shaker. Lock your shaker and shake, shake, shake! Empty the ice from your glass and strain the liquid from the shaker into it. Garnish with three coffee beans and serve.

Another recommended stimulant to keep your senses active is copious amounts of sugar. Ensure you have donuts and cherry pie to keep the midnight munchies at bay. I wish it weren't true but I'm no Norma Jennings and my baking skills are non existent, so I bought a cherry pie from my local supermarket and froze it on the day of purchase to make sure I'd have some. My older sister on the other hand is a domestic Goddess and will be firing up her doughnut maker for the occasion. There are some fantastic recipes for all kinds of doughnuts in the wonderful Twin Peaks recipe book 'Damn Fine Cherry Pie'.

I've put together a playlist especially for the evening. Other than the soundtrack itself and music from Fire Walk With Me it includes some 50s and 60s hits and the work of the great band Silencio. One of my favourite songs which has nothing to do with Twin Peaks but so reminds me of it is a track called Black Coffee by Joanne Weaver. Definitely check it out if you haven't heard it before! I first came across it when Lydia Darling, a beautiful burlesque performer did a routine to this song dressed as Laura Palmer trapped in the black lodge - you can just imagine her wandering the chevron corridors and endlessly pouring coffee when you listen to this song. Thank you to all my wonderful and faithful Twitter followers who gave me playlist suggestions when I asked last week!

And yes, I've booked Monday off work as there is just no way after staying up all night long high on caffeine will I be coherent to perform to my best abilities at work the following day. Those who know me and who don't know Twin Peaks seem to think this is excessive but I know if you're reading this you'll understand.

How are you planning to sit down to the new series? Let me know in the comments below or Tweet me @TheBlueRoseBlog. Hang loose Howies!